I’m no
stranger to adversity, just as we all aren’t. In fact, we all have adversity we
face at one time or another. President Henry B. Eyring said, “With all the differences in our lives, we
have at least one challenge in common. We all must deal with adversity. There
may be periods, sometimes long ones, when our lives seem to flow with little
difficulty. But it is in the nature of our being human that comfort gives way
to distress, periods of good health come to an end, and misfortunes arrive.
Particularly when the comfortable times have gone on for a while, the arrival
of suffering or the loss of material security can bring fear and sometimes even
anger.” (Adversity)
That being
said, I want to focus my talk on overcoming adversity. After all, isn’t that
our goal when we go through challenges—to overcome them? To do that, I want to
share some of the adversities I have faced and currently do face in the hopes
that you will learn through my experiences.
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| My daughter tracing the words on my mother's headstone. |
I suffer from health problems that have almost killed me—three
times! I was bullied at school and at church to the point where I doubted my
own self worth. I endured a period of emotional, spiritual, and mental abuse in
a past relationship that nearly broke me as a person. I grieved deeply during
the unexpected death of my mother. Most of all, I suffered through the darkest
period of my life, when many of the aforementioned adversities were happening,
when I fell away from the church and turned away from the light and peace of
the gospel. Most of these adversities have left me with scars and consequences
that I will continue to endure throughout the rest of my mortal life. But as I
look back on these trials, I see all that I have learned, all the strength I’ve
gained, and the magnitude of blessings I received as I overcame them.
Elder James
B. Martino said, “It is much easier to
look back when a trial is over and see what we have learned from our
experience, but the challenge is to gain that eternal perspective while we are
going through our tests. To some, our trials may not seem great, but to each of
us who are passing through these experiences, the trials are real and require
us to humble ourselves before God and learn from Him.”(All Things Work
Together For Good)
During those
times of adversity though, I wasn’t always looking toward that eternal
perspective, or even to my God. Physically, my health was deteriorating. I was
plagued with constant migraines and constant nausea. I couldn’t keep down any
food. I continued to lose strength until I couldn’t sit up since my muscles
couldn’t support my own weight. I was in pain, I couldn’t sleep, I lost so much
weight that I was only 98 pounds. My heart was on the verge of giving out, and
my kidneys and liver were shutting down. This happened over a period of six
months, and in the 16 ER visits and 25 doctor appointments I went to, they just
told me it was all in my head and to drink more water. As I was so weak that my
coworker had to literally carry me to the clinic, a new doctor took me
seriously and realized that I was dying from a highly, off-the-charts
overactive thyroid. I was rushed to Albuquerque to receive emergency treatment.
When that specialist saw me, he told me that if I hadn’t received treatment
right then, I would’ve died within the week. It’s been about five years since
then, and I am still recovering from all the damage of going untreated as long
as I did.
Concurrent
with the physical trials, I was experiencing many internal ones due to
bullying, abuse, and guilt. I withdrew into myself to the point where I felt
unloved, hated, and despised. I was unhappy, but I didn’t necessarily recognize
that I was unhappy. I felt shrouded in darkness and despair, wallowing in the
pits of depression and self deprivation. I felt unworthy of the gospel,
unworthy of peace, unworthy of joy, unworthy of love. I was filled with a
poisonous guilt that was affecting every aspect of my life. This rancid guilt
had me feeling like it was too late for me; that I had ruined my not only my
temporal life, but my eternal one as well. I felt like I deserved all the
horrible things I was going through, and that were being inflicted upon me. In
my mind, this was my penance for my poor choices and my self-felt unworthiness.
I even blamed myself, albeit completely illogical, for my mother’s death, and
relived every not-perfect thing I said to her.
I don’t want
to get into to much detail of all the things I went through, felt, and experienced. We
all have trials, and you all know how bad things can get. I want to impress
upon you though, the anguish of mind, body, and soul I felt. I suffered
incredibly through all these different forms of trauma, and these weren’t
light, easy trials. They were traumatic events in my life. I felt that the
weight of all these trials was going to destroy me.
It was
during that time of utmost darkness to the point of destruction that light came
into my life. Events transpired to where those who were harassing me the most had moved away, and my health was improved to the point where
I could function with minimal pain. Looking back, I see the Lord’s hand in
arranging these events so perfectly. All these trials had humbled me to the
point where I was ready to accept help, and ready to be directed to turning to
my Lord.
My family
was always there for me, offering their love and support throughout these hard
circumstances. What really helped me the most was their unconditional love and
lack of judgment. They didn’t criticize my actions or choices. They just loved
me and they were always there for me. I think it was realizing this that
started softening my heart to the Lord.
Also during
this time, I had the world’s best visiting teacher who faithfully visited and
contacted me for years. At first, I avoided her. I wouldn’t answer my phone
when she called, or respond to her texts, and when she stopped by I pretended
not to be home. I know, not the most mature thing to do. But what touched me
was that she was consistent. She never gave up on me. I think it took about a
year for me to finally respond to her, and that was just to ask her why she
kept trying. She told me that it was because she wanted me to know that someone
cared about me. That was it. Not that she wanted me to come to church, and not
that she wanted to be able to check off visiting teaching from her to do list.
She genuinely cared about me and wanted me to know that.
From then on
out, I started visiting with her. She never pushed attending church on me,
although she did invite me to come to church and to attend church activities.
She wanted me to know that I was always invited and that there were many people
in the ward who would love to see me. This sweet and devoted sister’s
love—genuine love, softened my heart further to the point where, when the
missionaries stopped by, I also met with them.
I loved having the missionaries
over, and not just because they were always eager to mow my yard, take out my
trash, or get rid of my gopher problem. Just like my family and my visiting
teacher, they had a light about them that I desired to attain myself. After a
few visits, one of the elders felt inspired to share a scripture
that, quite literally, changed my life. “He that loveth father or mother
more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than
me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth
after me, is not worthy of me. He who seeketh to save his life shall lose
it; and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 10: 37-39)
In this
scripture, the Savior is outlining what our priorities should be. He
should come first, above family to include spouse, parents, and children.
Once the missionaries shared this scripture with me, I knew I had to correct my
priorities and put the Savior first. And once I did that, everything
started to fall into place, or fall out.
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| Photo credit: Mormons.ph |
I knew there
were many things I needed to change in my life--things I needed to start doing
again, things I needed to stop doing, and things I needed to truly repent
of. I met with my bishop and he helped me figure out what I needed to do
to get my life in sync with what my Father in Heaven would have me do. It
wasn’t easy, and it required so much work and faith on my part, but it was
worth it.
In D&C 121:7-9 it says, “Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine
afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God
shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do
stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly
hands.” I had my friends, my family, and my ward family standing beside me,
helping through these adversities now. I learned so quickly that I wasn’t
alone, and that I didn’t need to be alone. My Father in Heaven guided these wonderful
people to help me when I needed it most.
I had
undergone a true change of heart. I so utterly changed that prior
temptations weren't effective on me anymore. I had and still have no
desire to participate in activities that had led me and trapped me in spiritual
darkness. Instead, I filled my life with heartfelt prayer, personal and
family scripture study, family home evenings, consistent church and temple
attendance, and sincere repentance. Additionally, I’ve put forth a great
deal of time—and still do—in studying the diseases I’ve been diagnosed with so
that I can better understand what I can do to be healthier and feel better.
Some of the adversities
I’ve gone through required even more help however. My autoimmune and thyroid
diseases nearly killed me, and I desperately needed medical treatment to get to
the point where I could function somewhat normally again. I had to constantly visit the doctor, and I
will always have to visit a doctor for treatment for these illnesses. My
recovery, although I’ll probably never be fully recovered, is a miracle in and
of itself. Every doctor I see to this day are shocked by how well I’m doing,
how much strength I’ve regained, and the yet again miraculous repair of my
kidney and liver. I know that this is because of the Lord and His healing light
through the power of the priesthood and my faith.
Just the
same as seeking treatment for my physical ailments, if it weren’t for the
addiction recovery program in teaching me how to apply the Atonement in my life
to overcome the effects of abuse, and counseling to learn how to get past my
grief and guilt, I wouldn’t be as healed as I am today. I can’t stress enough
how amazing these programs are. I suffered through traumatic things, and little
by little I’ve been healing from them. We need to make sure that we are seeking
every avenue of help as we seek to overcome our adversities.
Elder
Martino went on to say, “When we face our
challenges, we must seek greater help from God. Even the Savior of us all found
a need to pray “more earnestly” as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane. We
can learn to gain great faith if we do this. We must remember that often the
answers from our Heavenly Father do not remove the trial from us, but instead
He helps strengthen us as we pass through the experience.”
I finally
learned that lesson. As I continue to go through adversities now, I make sure
that I never stop praying, never stop studying my scriptures, never stop
attending church, and never stop turning toward my Savior. I still have a long
way to go, and there are things I probably won’t overcome fully in this life,
but I know that as long as I’m actively moving forward toward my Savior and
Heavenly Father, and doing what I can to keep the commandments and my
covenants, then I will not move toward the darkness again. All will be made
right.
Elder
Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Please remember
tomorrow, and all the days after that, that the Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the
need for commandments and try
to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them.
If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help
you keep going. If you fall, summon His strength… He will help you get back up.
He will help you repent, repair, fix whatever you have to fix, and keep going.
Soon enough you will have the success you seek.”
Through my
trials, I have also received so many blessings, blessings that have made
everything I’ve gone through completely worth it. The friendships I’ve made
through this time will continue into the eternities. I’ve learned to trust in
others again. I’ve learned so much about my own body and how I can better take
care of it. I pushed through illness to find joy in running, which is now a big
part of my life and helps me build my self confidence. I’ve grown closer to my
family. I’ve built such a solid testimony of the gospel and this Church that I
know I will never waver again. Most of all, overcoming these adversities made
me the woman I am today, and made me worthy to be sealed to my most amazing
husband in the temple for time and all eternity. This blessing alone is worth
all the experiences I’ve been through.
Elder
Holland goes on to say, “Now, with that
majestic devotion [of God’s unwavering love for us] ringing from heaven as the
great constant in our lives, manifested most purely and perfectly in the life,
death, and Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, we can escape the consequences
of both sin and stupidity—our own or that of others—in whatever form they may
come to us in the course of daily living. If we give our heart to God, if we
love the Lord Jesus Christ, if we do the best we can to live the gospel, then
tomorrow—and every other day—is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we
don’t always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to
be! He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant, and eternal life is the very
object of His merciful plan for His children! It is a plan predicated on the
truth “that all things work together for good to them that love God.” So keep
loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is
cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.” (Tomorrow the Lord Will Do
Wonders Among You)
I want each
and every one of you know that it is never too late, and you have never done
too much, to not qualify for exaltation. You can always repent, you can always
change, and you can always improve. The Atonement is there for all of us to use
to find true purpose, true happiness, and true love. As we seek to keep
improving, the Lord will help us. He loves us more than we can comprehend and
He wants us to find joy. As President Gordon B. Hinkley said, “Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”
And I know from experience that we can find joy, even during the hardest of
trials.
